PHILOSOPHY

It does not surprise me to hear that you appreciate her more & more as time goes on and, unless I am much mistaken, you will find such to be the case right along to the end.  Of course, there will be differences of opinion to reconcile, and sharp corners on both sides to be smoothed off, so it is likely to be a case of “give & take,” especially at the first, but the giving soon becomes a pleasure and before long you will find it resolved into a race as to which shall give the more freely…. [9 July 1888]
                        from “The Letters of Theodore Bliss Cunningham”

Marriage is an act of courage. Two people walk the high wire together with no safety net except a commitment to be together as long as they both shall live. It is a glorious balancing act, the joy gradually unfolding, for marriage comes as close as human beings can to unconditional love, embracing all opposites…better and worse, sickness and health, richer and poorer, and, as my great-grandfather Cunningham suggested in the above passage, giving and taking.

Cunningham’s letter went to the man who was about to be his brother-in-law, sharing with him the nature of his marriage to his late wife. Now, over 125 years after he communicated his observations on marriage to what he thought would be one person, I am a nondenominational wedding officiant who has been guided by his words.

Because every human being has his or her unique perception of love and marriage, I assist the people with whom I work to find their own words to express their feelings. Each couple receives a copy of their wedding ceremony and vows to keep and, if they so wish, to pass on to the next generation so that they will also think about the nature of love.